I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
are you so shy because you have an std?
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
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