no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
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