Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize