Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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