So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
