Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
