Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
