quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Randomize
