i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
