Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
