Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
Don't EVER smell your tampon
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Randomize
