He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Randomize
