Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
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