It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Did you pee in the oven last night??
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
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