I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
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