I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Randomize
