So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
