then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
