gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
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