you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Randomize
