I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
