Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
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