His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Randomize
