I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
Sext me about skeletons
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
