Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
Randomize
