I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
