you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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