I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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