Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Randomize
