If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
