I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
