Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize
