You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Randomize
