Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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