Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
