i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
Randomize
