mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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