Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
