you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Randomize
