hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
did i just pee glitter
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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