Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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