This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
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