i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Randomize
