sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
There's always time for handjobs
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Randomize