Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
Randomize
