I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
FUCK WHALES
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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