my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
I think a kid would responsible me up
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
