did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Randomize
