just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Randomize
