Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Randomize
