i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
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