2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
ttyl tear gas
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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