Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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