Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
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