I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
