Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
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