I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
no you cant smoke seaweed
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize
