He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
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Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
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Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?