4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.