whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."