I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Randomize
