How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
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