No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
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the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
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Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!