Texts From Last Night

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  (609): View more from New Jersey

  I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.

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  (609): I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me. http://tfl.nu/wd99
  Replies (43) Good night (771) Bad night (5157)
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  (913): View more from Kansas

  he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever

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  (913): he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever http://tfl.nu/f5uq
  Replies (35) Good night (646) Bad night (6911)
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  (248): View more from Michigan

  remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite

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  (248): remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite http://tfl.nu/a8vx
  Replies (24) Good night (3693) Bad night (595)
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  (210): View more from Texas

  I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.

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  (210): I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low. http://tfl.nu/u768
  Replies (20) Good night (968) Bad night (5814)
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  (978): View more from Massachusetts

  he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.

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  (978): he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey. http://tfl.nu/pfjh
  Replies (19) Good night (6627) Bad night (992)
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  (703): View more from Virginia

  We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.

  (540): View more from Virginia

  You guys make me sad

  (703): View more from Virginia

  You misspelled jealous there

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  (703): We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone. (540): You guys make me sad (703): You misspelled jealous there http://tfl.nu/wtst
  Replies (23) Good night (11669) Bad night (1337)
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  (408): View more from California

  im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.

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  (408): im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college. http://tfl.nu/q0uk
  Replies (12) Good night (7261) Bad night (943)
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  (404): View more from Georgia

  You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together

  (770): View more from Georgia

  The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy

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  (404): You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together (770): The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy http://tfl.nu/sw3w
  Replies (7) Good night (2850) Bad night (658)
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  (336): View more from North Carolina

  There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed

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  (336): There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed http://tfl.nu/1ryb
  Replies (4) Good night (1390) Bad night (851)
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  (847): View more from Illinois

  He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.

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  (847): He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that. http://tfl.nu/228l
  Replies (3) Good night (523) Bad night (1024)
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  (423): View more from Tennessee

  Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.

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  (423): Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone. http://tfl.nu/b7in
  Replies (10) Good night (1994) Bad night (427)
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  (559): View more from California

  Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.

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  (559): Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face. http://tfl.nu/ufsv
  Replies (10) Good night (583) Bad night (1585)
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  (202): View more from Washington, DC

  I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.

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  (202): I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock. http://tfl.nu/3k5c
  Replies (5) Good night (783) Bad night (235)
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  (479): View more from Arkansas

  I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.

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  (479): I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet. http://tfl.nu/9f7c
  Replies (11) Good night (625) Bad night (463)
• Favorite

  (703): View more from Virginia

  The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week

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  (703): The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week http://tfl.nu/myyh
  Replies (2) Good night (196) Bad night (669)

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