can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
She just used a chaser for red wine.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
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