oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
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