I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
The beer is more important than you right now.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
