i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is Oprah even human
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize