eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
