you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
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