i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
She even gives head with a lisp.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Randomize
