I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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